Writing is incredibly difficult for me this morning. It’s not difficult because there’s nothing to write about, rather, that the entire world around is demanding that I document it. The soft plush of memory foam slippers and the whistle of the hot water heater. A love-note written on a paper towel with a permanent marker that stained the kitchen counter. Swirling latte art reminiscent of poinsettias and cinnamon leaves.

I hope that each of you get the opportunity to feel this way too: that life is bursting at the seams. I hope you light up these dark winter days with Christmas lights and sleep in a little. I hope the grey and blue skies invite you to consider someone who made them. I hope you stop asking “Who am I?” and instead embrace who you are becoming.

I heard recently that marriage is less about marrying someone for who they are, and more about who that person will be and how they will morph and shift year after year. I believe God feels the same way about us – he invests in us regardless of our current or past states. His love and investment is not hinged upon our actions or devotion. The same ombre skies greet the sinner and the saint (though, we really are all a combo of the two).

“A waiting person is a patient person. the word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.” -Henri J.M. Nouwen

 

I’m a waiting person today. Waiting for Christmas morning, presents underneath the tree (yes, I’m 23) to figure out “What’s next” as far as employment goes, and I’m still waiting to see things be healed and repaired and I’m not sure if I’ll see it in 2016. That’s alright, I’m a patient person. Patient to a fault. When it becomes a fault, that means I’m just stubborn. What does it mean to live out the situation to the full? How do I believe in what’s to come, when the present is very urgent?

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, spent his last Christmas imprisoned by Nazis and separated from his family (read more here if you’re interested: Bonhoeffer’s Last Advent). Although he waffled between hope and despair, he ultimately knew that Jesus held his identity and that he belonged to a cause and person larger than the four walls of his cell.

“We simply have to wait and wait,” he wrote. “The celebration of Advent is possible only to those troubled in soul, who know themselves to be poor and imperfect, and who look forward to something greater to come.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I wouldn’t wish for anyone to be “troubled in soul” this Christmas season but if you find yourself there, know that something greater is to come. There’s only so much time, and these dark winter days remind us of the weaning daylight we have. Perhaps cancer has stolen or is stealing your loved one. Your holidays feel like a robber has come and taken your memories and left the one thing you didn’t really care about: possessions.

Someday the thief won’t be able to steal. Your tears won’t fall anymore. God will be with us.

The sun will no more be your light by day,
    nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you,
for the Lord will be your everlasting light,
    and your God will be your glory.
²⁰ Your sun will never set again,
    and your moon will wane no more;
the Lord will be your everlasting light,
    and your days of sorrow will end.

Isaiah 60:19-20 NIV

How are you bringing light to the darkness this Christmas season?

 

-K