We bought a minivan.
When my husband Jesse and I pulled out of the car dealership, with our wallets significantly lighter and a white 2015 Toyota Sienna to our names, my brain immediately jumped to worst-case scenarios. “What if we can’t make the car payments?” “What if we crash it?” “What if we don’t deserve a ‘new’ used car?”
I turned up the AC, letting the cold air hit my face. I shared some of my worries with Jess. He grinned from ear to ear and said, “It will be alright,” and then we blasted some music. I took some deep breaths and reminded myself to just enjoy the moment. To soak up how fun it is to have a new-to-you car. How much can change in a year. That baby boy is coming so soon! That our van looks like a transformer/stormtrooper and I really like it.
Maybe you’re like me, and the loss of a loved one or a delayed dream can make celebration afterward feel icky and hard. When the good things start to roll in, there’s a voice in your head that says, “But this person isn’t here,” or “What if this falls apart too?”
The possibility of things falling apart doesn’t diminish the God who orders the universe. The brokenness of our lives doesn’t take away from our inheritance of faith, hope, and love guaranteed from God.
“Clear lots of ground for your tents!
Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big!
Use plenty of rope,
drive the tent pegs deep.
You’re going to need lots of elbow room
for your growing family.
You’re going to take over whole nations;
you’re going to resettle abandoned cities.
Don’t be afraid—you’re not going to be embarrassed.
Don’t hold back—you’re not going to come up short.” Isaiah 54:2-4
Pain is the discordant note in a song wrestling for resolution. It’s not the melody.
It’s an immense privilege to be able to purchase a minivan. To carry a baby. To keep writing these words and encourage other people. So tonight I’m going to the local brewery with my husband and we’ll sit at our favorite spot by the outdoor fireplace and toast with marionberry lemonades. Then I’ll carry my baby bump back to the parking lot where our white van sits, not as a testament to material wealth, but to dreams prayed for and realized in real time.
Cheers!
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What does celebration look like for you in your life right now? A way to bring joy and hope even when things are not perfect? Even if they’re really hard? Maybe even because they’re challenging?
This blog post was inspired by a new book I’ve been reading. I got a sneak peek of Nicole Zasowski’s book What If It’s Wonderful? And I’m loving every page so far. In the book, she talks about how her friend Blair had a sign hanging in her kitchen that said: “What if it’s all ok?” and how Nicole felt that idea tug at her heart and remind her to not let past grief and trauma take away from the gifts of the present.
I looked at Blair with a new realization. My question was an echo but it felt fresh and new to me. “What if it’s actually going to be okay?” I asked aloud.
“Oh sweetie,” she says with compassion, hope, and just enough gumption, “what if it’s wonderful?”
Her friend pushed her even further by saying, “What if it’s wonderful?” We all need someone like that in our lives, to push us beyond where we think we can go. I was excited to see Nicole was publishing a book all about celebration coming out exactly one day after my due date. Because I need a refresher in celebration!
P.S. If you need a refresher in celebration too, here’s a link to Nicole’s book: https://www.nicolezasowski.com/wonderful
