My college professor used to talk about a term called “flow.” She explained about how in rock climbing you find your “sweet spot” or the moment where you think you’re going to break, and you find the strength to keep going and you feel the rush of adrenaline. She talked about finding your “flow” where all the little pieces come together and you are able to climb and block out all the other worries or fears you might have in your head. I found I have a similar experience when topping cheesecakes at work. Somedays the topping is lumpy and my hands are unsteady. It’s a chore. Other days, I find my “flow” the cream is at the right temperature, and the decorating wheel that my cheesecake rest upon seems like an extension of my arm. Heck yes! The cheesecakes are even, smooth, and beautiful. I can’t hear the bakers stacking cake pans in the back, or the door ringing up front. I’m in perfect and complete uninterrupted flow.

What happens when your flow is interrupted? All your worries and fears are all in front of you demanding to be paid attention. You’re at the top of the rock wall and your muscles seize up and you realize just how high you really are. And how far you could come down. You realize just how far you can fall, just right as you’re about to reach your goal. Your final destination and prize. Flow meets panic. Panic leads to discouragement. It’s always darkest before the dawn. In the devotional I’m reading right now, one of the author’s bluntly states this phenomena:

“Have you ever noticed that people are often the most tempted to quit right before a breakthrough? I believe this happens because there is an evil one who desperately wants to keep you from experiencing God’s best for you.” Amanda Jass, In the Wait. 

This summer, I’m saying “Yes” to perseverance. To strength. To not quitting. It’s not quite as glamorous as rock climbing, creating beautiful desserts, or moving to a different place. In fact, most people don’t really acknowledge faithfulness until you’ve finished the race, am I right? It has to be tested over time. You have to finish what you started. The two year anniversary of my Mom’s death hit me like a tidal wave. The brunt force of grief swept me up and took me out to sea. But I swam. I put each arm in front of me and pulled back against the water. It doesn’t seem fair to get discouraged and attacked during times when you need strength and comfort the most. When you can’t see what goodness might be around the corner. It’s too hard. This isn’t a fight I have chosen, but I hope to have the strength to finish.

I find comfort in a Jesus who preached from a boat in the water (Mathew 13:1). His audience saw him talking to them in midst of the sea, which to them represented chaos. God’s voice came through the fear and the chaos of their time. God’s voice comes through the static and the waves, and says “Come to me.”

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Let’s be real, my own strength has some serious limitations. I put my bowl in the dishwasher last night and Jesse was like “Why didn’t you put the spoon in there too?” and in my tired brain, I was like “It was. Just. Too. Much.” Oh dear. I’m in desperate need of a God who embraces the burdened. The weak. The ones struggling with melting whip cream.

Who or what helps you push through the last milestone before the celebration? Who or what gives you a final push right before the breakthrough?

Perseverance gives us the ability to “flow,” to feel like our tasks and the goals before us are a sweet choreographed dance that we learned a long time ago. Strength tells you to not let that wobbly cheesecake wheel get you down forever. That your identity is not formed in how well you top a cheesecake. I’m saying yes to strength, to perseverance, and to God never, ever quitting on me.

p.s. This is the first installment of this summer’s theme “Summer of Yes!” You can read my last blog for more info about my heart behind it. I have started assembling (yeah, like superheroes) a team of several writer/adventurers who will contribute guest posts in July and August.

I have a theme for my blogposts within these lazy hazy days of summer (Anyone get the Gilmore Girls reference?). Sunshine is not always conducive to writing because it gives me the perfect excuse for procrastination and doesn’t promote angsty hours of internal writer reflection which cloudy/rainy days stuck inside seem to amply supply. See how I crafted that fancy little sentence? That’s the product of a whole string of days in March where it snowed. I’m not suffering from writer’s block, but more like sunblock. I put on sunblock and go outside and don’t write blogposts.

So, I need your help.

Four years ago, I was living with my good friend Sarah for the summer. We were approaching our last year of college and ready for a good summer. I didn’t want to drag my feet around that summer or stay indoors. So I instituted “Summer of Yes.” meaning that we both embraced whatever positive opportunities that came our way. It was also somewhat of a trump card to play with each other if you wanted to do something and the other person was feeling more introverted or felt like staying home in pajamas.

Here’s how my friend Sarah described it on her blog “The Summer of Yes.”:

One summer my good friend Katrina informed me that I  refuse to do far too many things. In order to get me to step out of my comfort-zone, she declared that summer should be “The Summer of Yes.” That summer has long passed, but in the spirit of that summer I wanted to do something that I hadn’t had the guts to do in the past.

We destroyed an old armchair with katana swords. We went to Shari’s late at night and ate pie. Some of us jumped off Whatcom Falls. It’s no coincidence that Jesse asked me out at the end of this summer, and I, of course, said “Yes.” And yeah, I totally jumped off Whatcom Falls to impress him or whatever. It only took me 30 minutes to convince myself hahahahaha.

So just like Sarah said, in the spirit of that summer, I want to hear about something you have or are doing right now that you never had the guts to do in the past. Something positive that you said “Yes!” to and now you’re incredibly grateful, thankful, or surprised at what you’ve learned in the process. A completely different career path, being a foreign missionary, or learning how to knit. Small or big things you’ve said “Yes” to. If you’re interested in sharing a bit on my blog this summer, comment here on my blogpost, or message me on Facebook!

Thanks friends 🙂

It just so happens that Jesse Larson came to the Rec center with his friend’s ID card while Katrina was working the front desk about 4 1/2 years ago. Just so happens that it was my job to stop people from using the wrong ID to gain access to the gym. Just so happens I’m a rule follower until I die, and Jesse lost his ID card and was trying to meet a friend. Embarrassing hilarity ensures. I think he’s cute, but don’t let him in the gym. He is annoyed that he can’t see his friend. We both feel embarrassed about this interaction later and try to be extra nice when we see each other to make up for the awkwardness. Fast forward 4.5 years later, and embarrassing hilarity is the hallmark of our relationship. I frequently look at Jesse and think “I’ll never be bored.” We may grow tired of each other’s quirks but we’ll never run out of quirks! (I’m trademarking that line for the bestselling marriage book I’m publishing in 20 years). It just so happens that we met in a funny way. Because God knew we are and will be continue to be funny people.

Lurv of my Life right there 🙂

Moving has never been easy for me (even if it’s just across town, and there’s a lake). It just so happens that the Lord knows that. Amidst the exhaustion and emotional turmoil (see my last blogpost and fellow sentimentalists will weep alongside me), I asked the Lord for the encouraging word of a friend. I thought, well, maybe some friend of mine at Church will give me a hug or something. But God knows I’m a funny person and decided that wasn’t how it was going to happen. After moving all day, I had to go back into work that night (graduation weekend of course!). I was pretty tired and figured I would power through my shift. When I got there, my coworker (you know who you are) had put sticky notes all over the kitchen, counter, and fridges that said “Yay! Katrina!” God knows the funny sticky note plans he has for you. (Taking a lot of liberties with scripture, I know).

Here’s the actual verse:

Jeremiah 29:11 “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”

Does this mean we get what we want? No. Does it mean WE get to plan it? No. Does it mean we are part of larger, bigger, redemptive story that is far greater that our own lives? Yes.

It just so happens I’m writing this blog post right now while I look out at the lake. and this is my home for now. I feel like Ruth, grief transplanting me into a foreign land and forcing me to ask these questions: “Who am I without my Mom?” “How do I keep loving Jesus like she wanted me to, while being authentic with my faith?” And I am filled with thankfulness. Not because I’ve found any of the answers, but because I have gleaned wheat from other people’s kindness and it has been enough to sustain me the last two years.