Category: Moving On

Mom’s Love Letter

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My husband Jesse and I decided to tackle reorganizing our closet, which we have been calling our “room of requirement” for the last couple of years. In the closet was a bin of mementos from my childhood. Nestled at the bottom of a Rubbermaid bin was my baby book, illustrated with a cartoon bear family dressed in Victorian clothes (gotta love early ‘90s aesthetics).

This baby book was like a time machine, ready to transport me back to the first few months of my life. I wish I could ask my mom about this time rather than gleaning all I can from these pages, but my mom passed away from cancer six years ago. I can’t call her up and ask “Hey, mom, what do you remember?” so these handwritten notes are like paper airplanes flying from heaven. 

On the last page of my baby book, I found a short letter my mom had written to baby me in the year 1992:

“Dear Katrina, mom hopes that you learn early how much God loves you and that you would commit your life to Jesus.”

My mom was not an especially sentimental person. She would have much rather shown love through making you a meal, teasing you, or bragging about you behind your back (sometimes accomplishing all three at the same time). Now that I’m expecting my first kid, I feel connected to her in a new way since losing her. I’d trade these scraps of memories for her physical presence in a heartbeat, but I can’t ignore the weight these messages have, as if they are a piece of my mom caught in the in between of heaven and earth. 

I think heaven and earth are a whole lot closer than any of us think. In fact, I think heaven may be as close as the threads of memory we have of loved ones on “the other side.”

 Heaven is found in the prayers and plans of our loving Father who gently guides us along the path of courage and not fear. 

Heaven is our many hopes and dreams being planted before we’ve even accomplished anything. 

Heaven transforms a guest room into a nursery, not overnight like a home makeover show, but piece by piece like a puzzle coming together at just the right moment. 

Heaven is a letter wishing you knew how much God loves you. Not all of us had parents who prayed these prayers over us before they knew who we were—but God was singing over you and has been writing in your book this whole time. 

“For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since youth. From birth I have relied upon you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb. I will ever praise you.” Psalm 71:5-6

I hope you experience and know how much God loves you, and that you would commit your wild and precious life to Jesus.

I Don’t Know if I’ll Ever Come Back

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“I don’t know if I can come back from this,”

I thought to myself as I left my mom’s bedroom, where she lay dying. My eyes were stinging at the corners as I held back tears. 
 
I was twenty-three years old when I helped to take care of my mom as she rapidly succumbed to stage-four lung cancer. I did not expect to step into this role for at least another few decades. How does someone come back from this? I wondered often.
 
I watched as the bright light of her life tapered down to a single candle. I felt like someone cupping their hands around a flame, trying to keep the warmth around for a little bit longer.
 
To keep the light going long enough to say goodbye.
 
The time for praying for a miracle had ended. All that remained was to pray for endurance, and to thank God that her suffering had an ending date. That complete and utter healing was going to happen in his arms, and not mine.
 
I had to let go of that precious flame, and give it into the hands of the light of the world.

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The Redemption of a Bionic Woman: How an Indie Author Used Storytelling to Heal

A guest post by Meghan DeWalt

My story begins in December 2015. I was all raring to go back to work as a part-time receptionist in a doctor’s office and even resume the young adult ministry at my family’s church even though I had no real friends beyond acquaintances therein. I had a whole new lease on life following a reconstructive hip surgery for painful hip dysplasia, and the doctor promised it’d give me some 15-20 years pain-free on one side. I resumed work and life with a buoyed spirit. Until one night, coming home from work, I could barely walk up to our front door without extreme pain. Continue reading →