I’m picturing you and your significant other sitting at a coffee shop sipping matcha lattes and espresso, driving in the car on a road trip, or strolling to the post office down the road as you ask one another these five questions.

I’m picturing you sharing and listening to one another in those slow, simmering moments where you can both laugh and the pressure is low.

Let’s face it: life is serious enough. Between doctor’s appointments, flat tires, and unknown futures stretched out before you, it’s a good investment to spend time in a rambling conversation before a crisis hits and you go into “fix it” mode. This is a fun exercise to participate in when you’re both feeling at peace.

These are ALSO fun questions to ask a close friend! They’re not restricted to dating or marriage.

There are no right or wrong answers. In fact, you don’t even have to answer the questions directly if you both are enjoying the meandering path of conversation (please read that last part in a British accent).

One final note: I’m not a marriage therapist by any means, but I think these questions are a way to refresh and deepen your relationship.

1. “What Inside Jokes Do We Share Together?”

Here are some other questions you can ask along the same vein: “How have we grown together?” “What hard things have we worked through?” (Don’t focus on problems you’re currently slogging through, but ones you’ve come out the other side of.) This question opens up the opportunity for reflection AND giggling.

2. “What’s Your Idea of a Perfect Date?”

And don’t say April 25th! (Mean Girls reference, anyone?) “If we could have the perfect date tomorrow with an unlimited budget (plus babysitting if applicable), what would you choose to do and why?” “What would your perfect date be with a ten dollar budget?” This one is a classic question because it gets at the heart of what your partner values and considers fun, and it’s also a covert way to brainstorm ideas for future dates.

3. “What Are Your Apple and Onion Stories?”

Let me explain! Your “onion” is sharing about a time you cried and it was either embarrassing or cathartic (crying during a commercial or in front of your boss). And if you’re not a crier, share an embarrassing moment. “Apples” are a time you laughed so hard you peed your pants or felt super happy. Take it a step further and go out for onion rings or apple pie while you share.

4. “What Unique Aspects of God Do You See in the Other Person?”

This is a great way to compliment the other person, and it’s also an opportunity to encourage them spiritually. If you need a place to start, read through the fruits of the spirit (Gal 5:22–24 or 1 Cor 13) in a different translation than you’re used to and identify one attribute that you see evident in the other person’s life. Try to withhold judgment or unrealistic standards and be gracious to the other person.

5. “What Was Your Hometown Like?”

Even if you already know all about it, it’s still fun to hear where your S/O grew up and the funny or weird things they remember. Don’t underestimate the power of nostalgia! It’s like the virtual version of The Bachelor’s “hometown visit” episodes minus the cameras and glamour. Share old photos of you as a kid or of your town if you have them available.

Thanks for reading through these, and feel free to share with friends you’d think would be interested. I hope that your relationship with your significant other (whether it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse) is a gift in your life that grows good things and flourishes.

What fun questions would you like to ask your significant other?