Who doesn’t want to be happy, healthier, and more accomplished in 2019? Sign me up! I know there are things that I want to achieve this year (most of them writing related!). If you’re like me,  I get slightly panicky thinking about creating, sustaining, and maintaining resolutions in 2019.

You don’t have to have make New Year’s resolutions, but if you do–be gentle with yourself, folks. Remember you’re trying to do the best you can with what you have available. Here’s a list of things I think can trip us up:

1. Focusing on general, rather than concrete goals.

We plant tissue paper flowers and expect them to bloom in the spring. What seeds are you planting in your life with your resolutions? Is it concrete and substantive, or flimsy and paper-like? It’s easy for me to say, “I need to write more blogposts.” When it comes down to it, I’ll probably give up on this goal quickly and get overwhelmed. The concrete goal of writing for 45 minutes every day is actually going to help me achieve it.

2. Only Focusing on the Material and not the Spiritual.

We can also fall into the trap of only addressing the issue and not what lurks underneath. For example, a lot of us struggle with phone addiction. For me, if I don’t identify the larger issues behind phone addiction – loneliness, boredom, or my need for distraction the real issue is just temporarily fixed. I can hide my iPhone, but if I’m feeling phantom notifications in my pocket — what makes me any different from Eve picking the apple in the garden? I too am choosing an Apple product above my spiritual health.

3.Valuing Self-Centered Goals Above Giving to Others.

Juice cleanse or offering to babysit for my friend? Read for an hour a day or finally joining a community group at church? Don’t get me wrong, one is not “holier” than the other—but there is a push in our culture to obsess over personal image instead of reaching out and really seeing our neighbors.

4. Sacrificing Long-term Health for Faster Results

Moderation is key and burnout is not a sign of success. Jesus didn’t start his ministry until he was in his 30’s. There was a lot of hidden, unseen work in those years we don’t know about it (Anonymous by Alicia Britt Chole explores this concept). Throw out your measuring sticks, and instead embrace the image of a God who sees and hears you.

5. Thinking Perfection is the Only TRUE Measure of Success.

I used to think I wasn’t a perfectionist because I thought, “I’m not good enough to be a perfectionist.” Um, Hello, that’s what a perfectionist would think. Think back on some good habits you have implemented in your life. Think about what failures or roadblocks you encountered before it became routine or “easy.” See your resolutions through resilient colored glasses.

6. Letting Yourself Shame-Spiral When You Don’t Hit Your Goal

Ah, shame. That one emotion that only drags you down. Brene Brown says, “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” Stop shame in its tracks by bringing it out of darkness and into the light. 

7.  Basing our Identity upon our Achievements or how others Perceive us.

We all know that this road is dangerous, lonely, and full of heartbreak. Like the scene in the scary movie where you scream at the character “DON’T GO DOWN THERE!!!” we should warn each other to turn away from this mindset. Value your own life and health and realign yourself with the one person who loves you unconditionally and died so you don’t have to prove your worth.

8.Not Telling Anyone About Our Resolutions.

We love the idea of a “self-made man,” or a woman who “does it all,” but in reality a lot of those people we look up to have whole teams behind them. If you make a resolution and then don’t tell anyone about it and expect accountability that’s like drinking decaf to wake up. There’s no potency to that brew, my friend.

9. Telling Too Many People About Our Resolutions

Are you operating from a stance of false humility when you share your resolutions? Bragging about your fad diet to your friend who struggles with an eating disorder might be salt in a wound for them. You don’t know what battles your friends are facing so tread lightly when sharing your own goals.

10. Only Starting in January.

This might be strange, but I’m actually really motivated to change up my habits, routines, and outlook in September. By January I’ve already established good habits I can maintain over the holidays so I don’t feel like I have to start from scratch January 1st (thank you Megan Dahlman at Strong-Mommas for this reframe). What season sets you up for success in making resolutions?

11. Taking Our Goals Too Seriously.

When I was in 5th grade an adult told me I was “happy go lucky,” and it was definitely not meant as a compliment. I now know that the happiness and peace I felt then was a strength, not a weakness. Sometimes we are tempted to enslave ourselves in patterns of fear, anger, and legalistic rigidity. Approach your resolutions with the joy and lightheartedness of a happy 5th grader.

Alright! Let’s do it!! Let’s approach 2019 with hope, grace, and love which will manifest itself in concrete ways. I hope that you experience freedom in Christ and find his presence as you choose good things in 2019.